Submitted by: Cheree Fouch
A Terrible Contest for Terrible People Entry. Read, then CLICK HERE to VOTE for your favorites!
Well let’s start at the beginning shall we. After seeing the idea for this contest I thought “Hey I can do this.” “I can review a terrible movie.” After all I have watched quite a few of them,so easy, right. Wrong! I forgot that I usually zone out (my favorite) or find anything else to do while the terrible movie is on, like folding laundry,painting a wall and watching it dry, or thinking about putting out lit cigarettes in my eyes. You know fun, interesting stuff. I joined this contest now I have to live with my bad decision. Thankfully had a plethora of movies to pick from. Shoutout to Netflix! Without that I would’ve had to go out and find a movie to buy or rent. The clerk with judging eyes like I’m going home to watch bestiality porn. And the walk of shame homelike that time I went amount the bar. I went through the extensive list of movies and found this gem of a horror film. Sirs and Madams I present to you Mutant Vampire Zombies from the ‘Hood!
The opening credits were a bootleg copy of a Superman movie complete with the bootleg Superman music. Coolness! The movie also lets us know this shit goes down two Thursday’s from now. The movie is about two rival gangs: the Black guys and the Asian dudes. They meet in an old warehouse that was used to store radioactive waste to exchange “goods.” The“goods” aforementioned is the Black gang leader’s girlfriend and the Asian gang’s coke. I’m not talking about the soda. Soon as the exchange happens the Asian gang leader tests the product finding out its sugar! They draw weapons to have a gangster shootout. Oh snap! Then outcomes the cops that, unbeknownst to them, were tailing the gangs. Actually it’s just 2 cops. I’ll call them generic Black cop and his partner C. Thomas Howell.Who is famous for movies like Red Dawn & the soul crushing Soul Man.? The cops come to bust the gangsters. They have a gangster vs. cops’ shootout. So,while this is going on a solar flare hits earth making everyone in the warehouse passes out. Everyone wakes up the next morning. CTH finds his partner wounded by the shootout and considering the sky is weird looking & there is a lack of people outside, the gangsters let the cops leave. Alas generic Blackcop dies because he & CTH get attacked by zombies. C. Tom bands together with the gangsters, a drunken Hispanic guy, & a chick they saved from being raped, that’s right raped, by the zombies. They hear a doctor knows a safe place to go, so they go find him. The group has to walk from L.A. to San Diego because the solar flare not only turned people into zombie rapist it also made vehicles really big paper weights& cell phones really small paper weights. The group makes it to the doctor’s house sans a few members because they got surrounded by zombies & fist fought them. Nothing like snapping zombie necks & they got temporarily held hostage by another group of zombies that talked. They spoke like they were human still. WTF! The group dwindles even further at the doctor’s house while they escape to Big Bear. By the end CTH, the doctor’s daughter, Black gang leader, & his girlfriend were the four people left out of the 9 people that started the journey.
The movie was hilarious. It had gore, slight racism, talking,rapist zombies, the word ‘hood & awesome quotes. My favorite” I’m tired of these motherfucking zombies in my motherfucking ‘hood.” It was fine family fun for the adults in the family. Four thumbs down. I believe this is a movie that they force you to watch in hell just like Vanilla Sky.
Hey, at least it wasn't a terrible Mermaid Melody Fandub!